Which way do you go
by allaboutgrey
Summary: what happens when derek tells her he's had enough but then regrets his decision..will meredith go back to him or go to someone new who is like her in more ways then she knows....mark!
1. Chapter 1

She had just left his house. Why was everything so difficult? Why couldn't they just be together? They had spent so much time apart wanting one another and now that they finally had the chance to do so it seemed like everything was getting in the way. Meredith just stared straight ahead while driving home. She just didn't understand, 20 minutes ago they were making love and now they were over. She felt the tears come on but wouldn't allow them come out.

"I'm not crying over Derek Shepherd again" she thought to herself. She had done that to many times. She was done with it. Perhaps she didn't deserve to be happy; perhaps she was being punished for something, for trying to live a normal life, for finally getting what she thought she had always wanted. As she drove home all she thought of doing was sitting at home alone in the dark with her bottle of tequila. Tequila never hurt her feelings, tequila never told her that he loved her but couldn't this anymore. Yes that's what she needed, her good friend tequila.

Derek laid in his bed and just listened to the silence. She had gotten up quickly and left, he said nothing, didn't try to stop her or anything. He didn't know what to do anymore. He loved her, but felt like she was taking him down with her. All he wanted to do was to love her and make her happy. Why was she being so difficult? Why didn't she just didn't understand that this is how things are supposed to be. He let out a huge sigh and wondered if he was making the right decision. Wondering if he could ever really have the Meredith that he loved so much. Flashes of him carry her out the water appeared in his head. He rolled over to his side holding the blanket tighter to his body. He wanted to forget those moments but they wouldn't leave his mind. He almost lost her that day and she didn't even fight; fight for herself or for them. How could he be with someone who didn't fight for their own life or for what they loved the most? He spent hours thinking about this analyzing over and over in his head, and yet no answers were ever made. He had to let her go; it was right thing to do. He could do this, he could become chief now and live out his dreams of chief of surgery. But what he didn't realize yet, was she was a part him and she had become part of his dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

Meredith walked into her house and was relieved when she realized no one else was home. She took her jacket off and went straight to the liquor cabinet.

"Shit!" she said out loud when she noticed that we completely cleaned out.

"Great, now I'll have to out" she said while putting her jacket on. She got back into her jeep and headed off to Joe's.

Mark was sitting at a table in Joe's wallowing his pity in a glass of scotch. He couldn't believe that Addison had slept with Alex. It was over. The dream of her and him was over. He just couldn't believe it. He had wanted this so bad, and he thought she did to. What the hell did Alex have that he didn't have? He was just some punk ass intern who didn't know anything about women. Mark was the god among women. He knew what they wanted, how they wanted it, and how to make them beg for more. He took another slug of his scotch and just kept staring at the table. He was positive he and Addison were going to make it work this time, he didn't know what to do now. He finished his glass of scotch and realized he still felt the pain inside, the pain that hurt so bad he needed it to go away. He got up to head to the bar to get a refill when he saw Meredith walk in. She looked horrible, almost as horrible as he did.

"Rough night?" he asked when reaching her at the bar.

"You could say that" she said.

She sat down at the bar stool and told Joe to bring one shot glass and a bottle of tequila and quick. Mark sat down next to her and smiled.

"Looks like we're both trying to forget something tonight"

She looked at him with exhaustion, "I don't want to talk about it Mark, I just want to drink. So if you want to sit here and watch me do that, that's fine, but don't think I'm going to spill my heart out to you"

"Okay then…I'll just sit here and watch you drink yourself away as I do the same…you feel like making small talk then go right ahead"

By Meredith's fourth shot she started telling Mark everything. How she got to his place everything seemed fine and then he told her he couldn't do this anymore.

"Just like that, like it was no big deal" she said throwing her arms up in the air. "I just don't understand I thought he loved me…it's not supposed to be like this. We were supposed to live happily ever after or something like that"

"There's no such thing" Mark said. "I should know I'm in the same boat as you are with Derek only with Addison. She doesn't want me either. I thought she did. It seemed to be the only thing she talked about, and now. it's gone, all gone"

Meredith looked at him and saw the pain in his eyes. The same pain she was feeling. She felt sympathetic, neither one of them deserved this. Sure they had made some mistakes but not enough to be hurt by the people they loved and wanted the most. She touched his arm, "Maybe it's because we're the dirty mistresses and that's all we can ever be. Maybe this is just how the world works for us, we can only be happy when we're with someone who isn't fully ours"

"you don't honestly believe that do you?" he said looking at her in shock.

"Maybe" she said before downing another shot.


End file.
